“He is dead”, said my mom with misty eyes. What did that mean? What will happen next? How will a girl, who was just eight years old, know the meaning of death? I just knew that I will not meet him again.
My maternal uncle committed suicide when I was in grade two. This was not big news for me in those days when I hardly understood relationships. He was DEAD. Still, feeling of his absence was superficial and when I dived into the depth, I understood why he chose to die.
Behind our back, people called him coward for he gave up with life. I thought the same. Later my opinion towards his suicide changed after I started analyzing the causes behind it.
To survive, struggle is a must. We rush-fall-stand up- succeed or fail and one day we all die. My uncle fell and failed many times. After the additional pressure of the society he decided to give up. I don’t consider him a coward anymore. While we are petrified with small injuries, he was able to finish himself. Unfortunately, no one perceives his death from this dimension.
This made me analyze the pressure which our so called male dominant society has been exerting on men. They are handed with a burden of career, family and prosperity. The scenario is similar with women as well but not the same.
Whenever I look at my younger brother who is hardly 17 and has so many plans in life, a scary feeling covers me. By the time he realizes that he wants to live independently, there will be many responsibilities depending on him. Somewhat similarly, even I am rushing towards my career but as they say- for a girl, it is not a hard and fast rule; these pile up more on the other gender. An educated lady will definitely debate on this scenario. She knows she can sustain on her own but this is not how the society will understand. They look up on men and men have to prove it right.
My uncle failed in his career and my aunt serves the government. They had a broken marriage. She is a single lady who gave her children the best of everything but couldn’t hold her marriage. Her husband was used to failures but she wasn’t used to him. When he decided to leave, I am sure he never thought of his wife and kids. This is the turn from where people considered him a shameful father as well.
It is the habit of the society to judge people and give opinions. I am sure my uncle had given his 100% to succeed but he couldn’t get one.
Death is hard to welcome. No wonder it was harder for him to kill himself. After so many years of observing my family and the people surrounding us, I want to support his suicide. There is a limit of tolerance. The day we exceed this limit our last resort is to give up. If he had been alive, things would have been more complicated for him and his family.
Humans are very selfish species. When our loved ones leave us we cry, not because they are gone; it’s because we will never have them with us when WE NEED THEM.
I may be wrong but sometimes I find the topic of gender equality being much biased towards females. When the court decided to favor my aunt for their divorce, they saw a woman crying for having a husband who couldn’t do anything in his life, not a man who was insulted by his wife and her family for being poor. If only I could ask her parents’ about what they were thinking when they decided to get their rich princess married to a struggle struck lad maybe I could have got better facts.
Psychologically, he gave up because he couldn’t see others suffer due to his downfall. Socially, he killed an image of a MAN who sustained himself from his wife’s earning. Emotionally he murdered a father who could “never motivate” his children with his life story. What wrong did he do? If a man in a male dominant society is supposed to win- he should also be allowed to escape.
If we really demand equality why don’t we share failures? When a mother is respected for being the breadwinner of the family, the society should also respect a father who is a home maker. Only after this we will be assured of equity literally being equal.
What I believe for uncle’s suicide is that he got rid of the worst that would have come up later in his life. So I want to support his suicide. He just made the right move for himself which the society couldn’t tolerate and tagged a negative theory on it. Case closed.